So I haven't touched paints in over a year because--I'm not really sure. I lost my confidence or something. Thinking of painting makes me feel uneasy and afraid. But I've been playing with digital painting for the last couple of days. I think I got rid of a lot of those silly fears, and I really enjoyed digital painting. In the, I don't know, 5 hours, I spent working on one piece, I learned a lot that I can also apply to traditional painting.

Looking back, my drawing skills have improved significantly since I started this term, but there's still so much more to learn. It's only been a couple of months since school started but I feel like I've aged an eternity. I've changed a lot--especially in work habits. This was a change that was drastically neeeded. I have a figure drawing course next term. I think figure drawing is my weakest area and I'm honestly very excited for it.

I'm still very nervous about showing my art. It makes me shake and blush and hide. But I'm sick of my old paintings in my gallery here representing me. I don't really want my new stuff representing me either because I don't feel it's 'me' yet. But I'm going to submit some term work and some sketchbook stuff anyway, with the ultimate goal of getting over these stupid fears of people--both of drawing them and of showing my work to them. And soon, when I have the confidence to finish a large-scale painting, I hope to be proud of what I create.

Art is, without a doubt, how I want to make my living. I was never sure before, and now I am. On the downside, in embracing art again, I've neglected my other passions. Another thing I'd like to work on is balancing them.


p. s. I started playing video games again.